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I've travelled on a Dragon's back to Ancient Empire states,
I've met a hairless Dwarf, and a Drow who no-one hates,
I've seen Pegasi in Durholme and a Phoenix in Cardyll,
and I've danced with ten-foot Pixies on the Bish's window-sill,
I've met a Kender sage and a pretty modest Mage,
But I've never met a nice Tarantula !
No he's never met a nice Tarantula and that's not bloody surprising then,
Cuz they're a bunch of wig-wearing posers who’re not scary at all !
I heard about Militia Men who made the right arrests,
I've banqueted in Camelot with fifteen thousand guests,
I know a pair of Feelie Fey who don't have gaudy shirts,
I know a Faction Leader who likes being beaten till it hurts,
I've met an Elf with gout and a fairly honest Scout,
But I've never met a nice Tarantula !
No he's never met a nice Tarantula and that's not bloody surprising then,
Cuz they're a bunch of arrogant bastards who hate most people !
I've heard about a Goblin bard who sang a decent song,
I've known a quiet Gathering when nothing has gone wrong,
I've met a Demonologist who likes to press wild flowers,
I once got served at the GOD tent in under seven hours,
I've seen a flying Pig and Shagnasty in a wig,
But I've never met a nice Tarantula !
No he's never met a nice Tarantula and that's not bloody surprising then,
Cuz they're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths with no sense of humour !
I've travelled to Atlantis with a quite sane Alchemist,
I've met a Celtic warrior who's never once been pissed,
I've seen Satun without his mask and he looks just like a Duck,
I've met a Blue Rose Girl who's never had a ....
I've seen an Ogre fishin' and the Last Mathamagician,
But I've never met a nice Tarantula !
No he's never met a nice Tarantula and that's not bloody surprising then,
Cuz we've never met one either - except for the cute ones in leather - who the Bish has the hots for !!
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